Weight Loss Ideas

You Think That’s A Good Step Of Recovering An Eating Disorder?

Okay, so I’ve been dieting since last year and I lose about 25 pounds (went down from 150 to 125 lbs) and I’m 5′1. But the problem is I had to prevent myself from certain foods that I liked and I did end up being on a very strict diet (Considering I exercise more than an hour everyday whether it’s jogging, biking, swimming, soccer or weight training, these are seasonal stuff I did all over the year), anyway but sadly I fail into this Bulimia, I would break my diet and go crazy on food for a day or so and then do excessive exercise that last for like an entire day after that! I kept doing it, I didn’t know what I was doing, I thought it was just a way to ‘get back on the road’, and I kept measuring myself, I lost 5 pounds, I gained them back, I went on a more strict diet, I lost 10 pounds but then I gained them back. I had no idea what I was doing, I was wrong and I kept doing it thinking it was right, until I read that there was such thing as an ‘eating disorder’, and I found out that I was seriously sick and I realized how long did it take me to realize that what I was doing was just NOT leading me anywhere but misery. It was July 20th (Almost a month now) the day I decided I can’t live like hell just losing and gaining and fighting over the SAME 10 pounds over and over again. I went to a doctor and she told me to just simply stop dieting and exercise less (Just for fun, not for weight loss!). Anyway, so I quit dieting and calorie-counting (It was VERY hard, I had to hide the nutrition facts out of my sight because just thinking about it made me sick!), I’m exposing myself to every forbidden foods that I never allowed myself to eat or (Binged on when I was binging!) but I decided to eat it anytime now. So, I enjoy all kinds of food. YES, I do have nights where I felt I just HAD to binge (It happens every couple days!), so I end up eating chocolate but then when I feel full or just simply better (NOT uncomfortably stuffed, sick and ashamed like what binging did to me!), I realize that ‘I’m full now… Well, yeah I overate a little bit, but that’s it! Why would I continue to eat?), I close to refrigerator and go do something fun instead of blaming myself about what I ate! I’m jogging about 4 times a week for one and a half hour (But what changed is that I’m not committed, I don’t hate myself when I don’t go jogging, I don’t cancel hang outs and family events for jogging, and I just don’t feel ashamed when I ‘don’t’ jog anymore!), I also go out walking pretty much everyday, it makes me feel better and I’ve never done that when I was on a eating disorder because I wanted to go on a higher-calorie burning workouts and now I just simply think more about ‘what I like to do’ more than ‘what burns more calories!’. Yes, I’ve gained weight (My metabolisim was extremely low that I used to survive on a piece of steak, piece of bread, an egg and a couple glasses of milk everyday!), now I’m eating normal (Yes, I do overeat somedays but hey it’s different!!), I think I’ve gained about 5-7 pounds, I don’t know how much exactly because I removed the scale out of my sight (I used to weight myself like 10 times everyday, even when I drink water!!!). Now, I do it only sometimes and yes I feel bad about gaining weight but I DON’T hate myself like I used to do, because I used to go crying and just simply hate myself when I weighted myself after binging.
Again, I do have emotional times when I feel like binging so bad but I end up eating sweets and then feeling ‘Is this really worth it?’, and I quit after overeating not BINGING!
PS: I think the overeating episodes are sorts of like ’slips’ because my body is addicted to binging and now I’m still under some left out stress of wanting to binge, but I feel way better than before… Hopefully, I will overcome overeating too! Even those extra pounds that I gained should be lost soon… Well, when I feel better and ready to start up a healthier diet season after I’m completely recovered from my eating disorder.
PS: Please don’t tell me to look for professional support, I need normal people opinions, like you. I’d really appreciate it if you tell me what you think, thank you!